sarem's blog.

she cries

2011-11-10T21:03:00.000-08:00

sadness lingers inside
and stays for awhile

while she leaves the room smiling

cultivate

2011-09-06T20:54:00.000-07:00

grow
mending hand
month
water and sun
erect
full of life
wilt
when forgotten
lonely
bent down
watching
flowers blossom
as
it dies

Mist

2011-08-29T21:21:00.001-07:00

The morning dew
caution oh spring
flowers
for the wind is chilly
it'll likely cut your head off
if you are not
careful

the saddest silhouette
is the one the sings the most beautiful song
to an empty field
of desolation
in the far reaches of the abyss
where true meaning lies

the world is devoid of that mist
of pristine sorrow
of real pain and suffering and of
love

Those Winter Sundays - Robert Hayden

2011-08-15T21:28:00.001-07:00

Sundays too my father got up early

and put his clothes on in the blueblack cold,

then with cracked hands that ached

from labor in the weekday weather made

banked fires blaze. No one ever thanked him.

I’d wake and hear the cold splintering, breaking.

When the rooms were warm, he’d call,

and slowly I would rise and dress,

fearing the chronic angers of that house,

Speaking indifferently to him,

who had driven out the cold

and polished my good shoes as well.

What did I know, what did I know

of love’s austere and lonely offices?

Strong, silent type.....

brothers

2011-02-25T22:05:00.000-08:00

cold silence has
a tendency to
atrophy any
sense of
compassion

Its been awhile

2011-01-26T06:44:00.000-08:00

A neglected blog is often very quickly forgotten.

The air forsakes us, much like an aborted child given way of free choice.

I say to you this, and I promise you: live once in the shoes of the destitute in the arid, dissolving cactus of abandonment and tell me why you continue the obsessive compulsion to complain? You have a headache, they have starvation. You have a half-cooked meal, they have none.
Yet you continue to lament?

We lament that we have no shoes until we meet a man with no feet. Realization is abhorrently empty without self-actualization and the desire to rectify and embrace.

We travel the road of convenience - cowardice and dismissive of the thorns that pricked our forefathers. Fighting for the sanctity of religion yesteryear; now we quarrel over rights of homosexuals. Is there no shame?

We continue to be the music we hear, the television we watch, the things we eat and the things we own. Assimilation by virtue of progressive pop culture; now the onus is on losing virginity rather than acquisition of social and moral responsibilities.

Intelligent thought is subjugated to defeatism and cynical surrender. Our thoughts belie our nature, but yet conform to collectivism. Packaged to behave in a certain way;

*(disconnected)*

with core issues.

Our opinions are fuelled by misplaced preconceptions: unfounded biases used to project our versions of what we believe to be true- yet knowing how horribly false we all are.

Light is everywhere, yet we choose to be enshrouded in darkness.

The air forsakes us, much like an aborted child given way of free choice.

A neglected blog is often very quickly forgotten.

overrun

2009-08-02T02:16:00.000-07:00

Incessant trembling, death lingers.
Gangrene, syringe and a broken promise
A sense of longing, of time lost
Not even winds will carry his sorrow
aloft he hangs from the sky, overrun and
naked

Loud Out Laughing

2009-05-28T04:37:00.000-07:00

Hah. Manchester United lost and I cannot possibly be more ecstatic.

Goddamn arrogant bastards; especially Ronaldo. Ugh...

The fallacy of faith.

2009-02-25T23:29:00.000-08:00

I've always been relatively close to Islam, having had the careful, nurturing guidance from two loving parents and countless other enlightened sources. I've had the privilege of going to the Kaaba numerous times as well as Madinah, largely in part because I lived in Riyadh for ten memorable years and our schools were lawfully compelled to give all students vacations during Ramadan. All of this is relevant insofar as it instilled in me a sense of cultural, religious zeal and affinity towards what Islam as a religion defined in its spiritual essence.

Therein lies the problem. Amidst the clamor of spiritual euphoria, one tends to bend both space, time and cognition towards a more palpable concept of faith. That faith is illustrated and realized through the lens of Islam (or any religion you grew up with) without fully understanding the nature and meaning of said faith. We then, as thinking, feeling and emotional entities, wrap ourselves into a belief system that fits well with our own upbringing, values and principles. It is convenient. It is comforting. It is also the truth. It also defines us, our culture, our identity and our whole belief system.

But what exactly is faith? Who chooses it? Who decides what is right or wrong? What manner does our own experience have in defining our faith?

Simply put, if people were born in Christian faith, what is the probability of enlightenment towards Islam that would be commensurate (in fairness) with destiny choosing people born into Muslim families. What's not to say that the situation can be reversed and Christianity (or any religion for that matter) is the enlightened faith and that muslims are the inheritors of bad luck. Which party then decides what faith is right and which is in the wrong?

But this entire approach is illogical. If religious people postulate their religiosity and knowledge of existence on faith, then that knowledge and religiosity itself is ridiculous. Because faith is arbitrary, and that one man's faith in God is synonymous with one's faith in a tooth fairy simply by the act of believing and submitting to faith. You can have faith in everything, and hence claim that anything can exist. Similarly, you can create your own religion by having faith in anything and claiming to its existence (either in your head or otherwise).

Subscription to and participation in some faith or another, is about such things as belonging to the group, being accepted, establishing one's cultural and social and individual identity, meeting emotional and psychological needs--things like that. The propositional claims of any particular faith are just fill-in-the-blank wild cards that the members have been indoctrinated to babble about. They're mytho-poetic constructions that some people, including believers themselves, mistakenly take to be literal propositional claims.

How many of us can claim to think above the confines of what we were born into? How many of us will act upon it? How much will our own biases seek to supplant any quest for other spiritual avenues than the ones were were brought up to believe?

I feel guilty

2009-02-01T05:49:00.000-08:00

Well I just finished watching the Australian Open Final (thanks to the unbelievable level of play witnessed in the Wimbledon final) between two rivals that mirror the same intrigue, drama and personality analogous to Sampras/Agassi. I have to say, although Sampras still remains my favorite, I have to grudgingly concede that perhaps these two tremendous athletes provide the best rivarly in the history of tennis. Of course, by history, I mean since 1990 when I started to follow tennis thanks to a terrific Courier vs. Sampras match on clay.

After Sampras announced his retirement from Tennis, I pretty much lost all interest in tennis and banished it into the depths of "uninteresting-but-once-was-an-awesome-sport" like F1, Cricket and the Moto GP. Although I do not intend on following Tennis with the same youthful exuberance as I did in the 90s, I will try my best to try and watch any Nadal/Federer match in earnest if they so match up in future grand slams.

Now here comes the guilty part. Owing to an epic semi-final which pushed Nadal to over five hours, I was fully supporting Nadal, knowing that he would come to the match as an underdog by virtue of fatigue and muscle wear. After seeing the ceremony, I felt so much empathy for a tearful Federer that I felt sick: here is arguably the best tennis player in the history of tennis reduced to tears because he just can't get over his most challenging hurdle : Sampras' 14 slams in addition to beating Nadal, at his prime, in the final of a Grand Slam.

Now normally men are good at controlling their emotions, and with good reason - they need to be brave in situations that explicitly call for strength and restraint. However, just by seeing the poor guy cry like that made me understand just how much commitment these althletes possess and the sheer agony of perhaps losing to mantle of "The Greatest Ever". In fact, when Nadal said that he regarded Federer as a Great Champion, Federer almost starting bawling. Pressure, expectations and standards are so high for Federer that he just let it all out today - even Nadal visibly felt bad for him.

So here is to Federer for beating Nadal in the French final - if they do meet.

Financial Engineering

2008-10-10T21:47:00.000-07:00

Well, there is a lot to talk about but little to say. They say greed is a powerful impetus for monetary wealth and excesses, but to say that the financial markets swam in greed is a gross understatement. No, ladies and gents, the financial institutions and their sprawling counterparts in the form of private equity firms, hedge funds and brokerage firms were defined by avarice - and their appetite became more insatiable. How did this calamity being? What set it off? Why does Wall Street excessiveness send seismic shockwaves to the global economy? How can the markets lose upwards of $1o trillion dollars in market capitalization (not inclusive of shadow, implicit costs)? If I told you it was as simple as a homeowner not making their monthly mortgages, you wouldn't believe me. The sad part is, I'm not lying.

For my benefit and yours, I'll break this upto multi-faceted components: Subprime mortgages; easy access to credit with a negative effective interest rate; enhanced competition for structured, highly complex illiquid securites packaged with a plethora of mortgages: collateral debt obligations and other ugly mortgage backed securities; negative equity; HIGHLY and I mean jawdropping highly leveraged financial institutions; and lastly, CREDIT DEFAULT SWAPS, the mother of all monsters.

As of now, I don't have the time or energy to write anything more. Will update soon

The Asset Bubble of the Future

2008-09-04T23:38:00.000-07:00

So, having spent quality time in Qatar for almost two months, I've fully understood why this region has seen unprecented growth concurrent with record government surpluses and accumulated exchange wealth.

70% of it has to do with hydrocarbons. Really, the GCC has struck it rich owing to an abundant supply (per square foot) of oil and gas that has been gifted to them. Qatar alone has amassed about 20% of the total proven natural gas reserves in the world - such a small country with a meager population that claims its stake to such an enormous amount of wealth clearly suggests how much this area is blessed.

Thanks to rising commodity prices in the international exchange markets on the back of a devaluaing dollar, the GCC countries have increased the production of oil/gas to avail of a record margin they are earning on exporting oil/gas and other byproducts. With oil peaking at $148 a barrel, countries with diminishing returns on their reserves, particularly Saudi and their potent Ghawar field, are not only recording unheard of profitability, but also damaging their reserve capacity permanently due to unsustainable production quotas. Nevertheless, thanks to record surpluses, the GCC countries are agressively establishing and consolidating their sovereign wealth funds - a prudent management of funds from excess reserves which will undoubtedly yield more returns than interest bearing assets booked in their banks. And most of these highly aggressive funds are investing in highly lucrative, albeit risky capital ventures abroad - sometimes saving FI's that are in desperate need of capital owing to CDO's (collateral debt obligations), SI (structured investments) and exposure to the sub-prime mortgage market in the US.

However, with every boom there is a very dangerous undercurrent that develops. It's true when my dad says, ''Bad Loans are only made during good times." With so much money coming into this region vis-a-vis a spurt in global demand for hydrocarbons (read India & China), the GCC is facing a tremendous problem with inflation - particular those countries whose inflation is driven by real estate. Inflation at double digits is not uncommon, but coupled with low interest rates, you create an environment where the real price of borrowing is actually negative (where the lender incurs the price of inflation, not the borrower), and in such an environment not only do you have a burst in liquidity and easy credit, but also you have huge development in the real estate - a market which is especially risky in an untested area in the GCC. This rapid development in all GCC countries, notably Dubai, is indicative of an asset bubble - wherein the appreciating price of the properties negates the impact of inflation - and a significant portion of family wealth is tied to the real estate. With an insane pace of development, if more investment finds itself in the real estate market in conjunction with a huge growth in supply (when properties in development are finally finished), we will perhaps witness the largest asset bubble in history (which will pale Japan's problem in the 80's). Nevertheless, if the global market continues to rely on Middle Eastern commodities, govt. may be able to mitigate the potential fall should such a calamity occur - but it remains to be seen by how much, as a large amount of their contingencies are parked in foreign capital ventures, subsidiaries and illiquid assets. This will make emergency bail-outs and recovery programs more restrained.

What exacerbates the problem of inflation is that every country in the GCC, barring Kuwait, has pegged their currency to the dollar, so whatever the mightly Federal Reserve of the United States decides on their interest rate, the countries here must follow suit - this system gives them no control over times where there is a mis-match in macro-economic indicators, such as now. There is no such thing as monetary policy to control run-away inflation and easy credit. So long as the dollar devalues, the price of perishable and non-perishable goods continues to rise, cost of living goes up as most of the countries import commodities such as food and cement.

Qatar has been growing at a phenomenal rate, as its per capita GDP is the highest in the world (at $70k+) - this indicates wealth and prosperity. But don't be fooled by this misnomer. There is a HUGE, and I mean HUGE, skew to the rich, who not only control 90+% of the wealth in the nation (owing to ties with the ruling Emiir and other powerful govt. posts), but also are accumulated more wealth thanks to extremely low labor costs on the back of appreciating real estate values.

It's sad to see that when I walk back from work, I see laborers in such deplorable conditions - and I bet most of them fast during the sweltering heat and humidity. The other day a dilapidated bus came to pick up a swarm of workers, most of which had such dirty clothes and a stench that carried for yards (I'd say they are beyond the point of caring really). Most of them looked so exhausted and deflated from work, that their eyes carried a distinctive vacant look that you'd sometimes see in prison. In a way it is prison for them, thanks to relentless system of sponsorship, most laborers don't have any rights or reprieve even in conditions that border on inhumanity - and I am willing to venture that they are many instances of inhuman exploitation has occured. Contractors have no problems obtaining huge loans from a prosperous banking sector, but their margins are most appallingly high at the labor cost front, where they can boast making just a year turn-around from their investments - that is how cheap the labor is. It's almost free.

Although from a purely capitalistic and practical standpoint, I can't really fault good business sense - but at a human level I do question their greed and lack of empathy. I just hope that when the economy makes a turn for the worst in the GCC region, that the millions of curses of the laborers don't come back to haunt them - and who will suffer the most? I'd say the middle class who've parked their investments in the real estate sector.

Eh

2008-09-01T11:54:00.000-07:00

First, happy Ramadan Kareem for those Muslims out there.

Sooooo, I found something pretty chilling whilst reading Yusuf Ali's translation of the Holy Quran:

Imran (Family of Imran) Chapter

92. By no means shall ye attain righteousness unless ye give (freely) of that which ye love; and whatever ye give, of a truth Allah knoweth it well.

I'm not so sure I have this capacity, yet.

Scornful flight.

2008-08-20T12:14:00.000-07:00

The loud musings of happiness
drown the air of longing.
He catches a glimpse of her from afar
a smile that kisses the evening dew.

A smile held with restraint grace
as the softest of touches caress the air.
She moves against the changing breeze
as if stuck in time, place and mood.

Exquisite aura of transcendent beauty
a dove amidst the sea of crows.
He catches a glimpse of her from afar
eyes transfixed until they burn asunder.

His eyes become a part of her
another victim falls from boyish virtue.
Left blinded he leaves in silence
and becomes one of the night--
--in solitude.
Yet she never knew of him--
--nor his existence.

Insectiside.

2008-08-16T11:08:00.000-07:00

When I climb this mountain of life, I am followed by a dog named 'Ego'.

=) FNzche.

Foolish Naivete of Voltaire

2008-07-05T18:08:00.000-07:00

Is ever a notion more inescapable than that of truth? Ever the search for man, to find truth in the hope of eliminating vice, ignorance or perhaps fallacies in deduction.

Yet the significance is put on the absolute quality of truth itself, rather than the appearance of it. As if truth is so reachable. So what then is the biggest folly? The one who searches for the truth and believes the 'quality' more real and necessary than the appearance of truth; or the the one who believes in the existence of an absolute moral quality of truth that maybe evident in everyday life.

I, then, ask Voltaire, acclaimed philosopher of the past, why does deception and manufactured consent pass for the truth?

If true, we swim in deceit. That is our truth.

Dreams

2008-06-11T13:17:00.000-07:00

I have a recurring dream: I'm on a plane and I know it is about to crash. The feeling of foreboding is palpable; I can actually feel the sense of shock and fear in the plane because everyone on board anticipates a collision.

It is usually on top of a large body of water and we're going down laterally at a steady pace. Eventually the plane touches the water and I see a flash of light before the incineration. Of course I don't feel a thing in the dream but I do manage to wake up.

So.....what the fuck does this mean? I do travel a lot, I have been traveling over water (Pacific Ocean) to go to Pakistan and Qatar.

I wonder how the countless hundreds felt right before the inevitable crash of an airplane - the sense that these are your last moments on earth and you will die a pretty horrible albeit fast death.

Saltwater

2008-06-04T21:35:00.001-07:00

Great deception demands greater embellishment.
Yet you drink ocean water to quench that thirst-
Why must you dissolve all that truth with salt?
Knowing that salt poisons the body and soul
and no amount of ocean water will cleanse that thirst.

There is great comfort found with illusions
lest you approach a body
that is beyond good and evil.

-inspired by Nietzche

Buyer's Remorse

2008-03-12T21:10:00.000-07:00

Nawaz Sharif and Asif Zardari? Meh.
x----------------------------------------------x

Buyer's Remorse, Part Deux.

Vanishing, unto the hillside
away from the whispers.
He ascended with burden
a weight of an entire people.
A scepter clenched in one hand
and a promise with another.

The sweetness of a soft pillow
under the backdrop of jagged rocks.
The lust of youthful exuberance
amidst the scorching thorns.
The allure of the earthly riches
in the absence of the azure soul.

Hours became weeks,
weeks became months.
The vermilion rays wilted
the comfort of the night seduced.
Honor wisped away in the sandstorm
pride took its place in the lull.
Mothers left the teat to the flame
charity broke into aggrandized song.

He descended into barren streams
his own blood filled the channel.
"Look we carved Him into Stone!
Gold no Less," they shouted.
Rejoice! Pride! Greed! Lust!
Yet the gold stood so defiant
a symbol of divine transcendence!
Lest the chosen man and woman
caress themselves in reckless abandon.

His scepter melted in the cold,
his manuscript torn asunder.
A promised land soon begotten
its slow ascent to decaying wealth.
He left, scepter and manuscript in pieces
left his people feigning childlike chastity-
As they, too, fell under the weight of themselves
and cast aside the scepter and manuscript.

Oh, woe to ye, who forgets.
No amount of gold will redeem you-
from your own transgressions.
Those who forget fade away -
into oblivion.

Washington Primaries

2008-02-09T09:38:00.001-08:00

Washington presidential primaries, voting today. Thinking about Pakistan as I vote.

<3 you Karachi.

Update: As much as I pretend to be attached to my homeland, I cannot but be proud of how transparent and truly invigorating a communal caucus really is. Democracy works so well amongst educated, tolerant people done in a manner that is not only mutually respectful and patient, but also done with a clean heart.

At any rate, that isn't to discount my primordial affection towards Karachi. After all, that is where my scrawny 5'3 ass grew to 6', where I learned to drive at a ridiculously young age of 13, where I could stay up till 4 AM with a car and two drivers and be at complete reckless abandon. Where I could barter with fellow "zabzy valeys" and "kasays" over inconsequential prices. Where I could indulge myself with Red Apple or A-1 Kabab rolls, or "charpai" kariah overlooking a forlorn, incomplete Sinbad casino.

Yes, Karachi, and to a certain extent Pakistan (Hunza is paradise) does hold a special place in my heart. Its a damn shame its staring itself to an abyss now, whereupon its neighbor and cultural rival is ascending into a global economic power.

Yup.

One Last Glimpse

2007-11-25T09:39:00.000-08:00

They all march in unison
the young girl too
A cacophony of chants
buries her fervor
They scream of fidelity
yet she falls down
The march more profound
she reaches for the stars
An individual dies in acumen
the masses entrench in insanity
X----------------------------------X
A small teardrop hits the massive ocean
the nominal ripple but for a mere second
The birds, whales and sharks plead for
Sunnier days with no harsh waves
yet the teardrop disappears too soon
and Life as we know it - ceases to exist
But for a small teardrop in a massive ocean
soon becomes part of the mass of water
and life feels betrayed, once again.
X----------------------------------X
He saw her, sitting on top of the rocks
a white silhouette amongst the sandy beach
her hair flew to the shore hugging the water
her smile radiated the sun before its implosion
The girl was so beautiful when she smiled
and with the last breath I pulled myself above the waves
to catch one last glimpse of her
to catch one final glimpse of her beauty
Before I drowned.

Note: This is why Pakistan's most valuable export is intelligent talent:
http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20071125/ap_on_re_as/pakistan

Democracy - A failed vision or just romanticized?

2007-11-17T11:55:00.000-08:00

Although he makes high-handed statements and often commits terrible blunders, Musharraf is the best option for Pakistan. His cabinet appointments are strong, his economic vision is sound and his clout in the army still rock solid.

I find it ironic that Democracy is so celebrated given the fact that in its grass roots level, democracy relies on autocracy. If he does step down, a vacuum will ensue and power struggles will only attract the most corrupt.

P.S. Look at all the political party structuralization in Pakistan. Can you confidently state that not one of them is a victim of greed, corruption and exploitation?

For democracy to be sustainable, there needs to be a medium of intellect, moderation and understanding. The last thing Pakistan needs is blind idealism and a false sense of utopia.

Halloween!

2007-10-31T18:34:00.000-07:00

Happy Halloween.

Kids are a soft spot for me, or I just might have gotten older. The first kids to knock on my house, I ended up giving them the entire bag of candies.

Sucks for the other kids.

/sad excuse for an update eh?

Lawrence of Arabia

2007-09-02T05:13:00.001-07:00

Watch it.

Too bad they don't make movies like they used to.

A humble question:

2007-07-25T12:59:00.000-07:00

Do the gods approve an action because it is pious, or is it pious because it is approved?

I just want to say

2007-06-18T02:29:00.000-07:00

I LOVE YOU.

Honestly, there must be a time in your life where you just indulge yourself shamelessly to songs like:

TAKE ON ME,
DON'T STOP BELIEVING,
HERE I GO AGAIN,
SWEET DREAMS,
EVERY ROSE HAS ITS THORN,
CRUEL SUMMER

etc.

I'm afraid I can't do that.

2007-03-28T23:41:00.000-07:00

I've always been a movie buff, an indulgence I attribute to the fact that my father's side of the family have been in movie production in the 60-80's of Lollywood. I've always grew up with I guess an intrinsic fascination of this art form which hasn't subsided with age.

I critiqued his productions (which in great relief where actually pretty good considering the context of the Pakistan industry) and that by in large trickled to analysing other films.

It wasn't long til I landed up seeing Godfather (I and II), Apocalypse Now, Memento, On the Waterfront, Se7en, ReQ of a Dream, and Amadeus to name a few. I had a drug addict's sudden sense of euphoria.

However, because all this exposure was at a relatively young age, the sheer magnitude of excellence made me revel all these films far more than what they actually deserved (subjectively of course). I would regard Godfather II the epitome of perfection and Fight Club wickedly intelligent. Rear Window infallible and Apocalypse Now the crowning masterpiece of mainstream Hollywood.

In retrospect I don't regret my youthful exuberance at all. But it was just that; youthful and impetuous. Now, after an underlining of college exposure and acquired taste, there is far more litmus in perception. That is why all the aforementioned and many more have lost some of the fascination.

However, then you stumble upon Kubrick. Now granted some of his movies are a tad superfluous and self-important (Eyes Wide Shut and Clockwork Orange), but then there are moments of absolute genius in "Dr. Strangelove: Or How I learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Bomb" or "2001: A Space Odyssey". One is a satirical adaption of modern warfare which has a timeless quality to it, the other is an abstract, terrifying adaption of man's progression/regression in societal advancement.

However, what I think I admire most about these two movies more than any other films is the allowance the director has given us in subjective interpretation. Like a complex poem or a metaphorical novel, these two masterpieces have the ability to take you on a different plane of intellectualism.

If you haven't seen 2001 or Dr. Strangelove, stop wasting time here and go see it.

Best poem I've read this year.

2007-02-18T05:19:00.000-08:00

Taken from Sid's blog:

For has God ever
sentdown life unshadowed by love?

except for in the cold trenches
of wintery landscapes, near the icy marshes where
dogs are born and quickly diewithout knowing love-

but we are no dogs,
and this is no trench
sidrah at 12:07 PM

-pretty good eh?

.................................................

I'm slipping back into the gap again
I'm alive when you're touching me
Alive when you're shoving me down
But I'd trade it all
For just a little
Peace of mind

Best moment of rock history? Yup. I guess that makes me a fanboy.

Hahhahah this is still alive?

2006-11-09T14:21:00.000-08:00

rofl, the state of a neglected baby.

Tool

2006-04-26T01:43:00.000-07:00

How good is the new album?

Excellent.

Tool coming to Seattle on May 2nd?

Excellent.

Kthxbye.

Into The Void

2006-03-15T17:21:00.000-08:00

There is many a company in the catacombs of misery.
The once vivid memories so easily cast aside.
A thousand voices accompany the pitiful recluse.
As if to mock the abysmal, dreary teardrops.
Salty.
Delicious.

For even the most obese will feast on your tears tonight.
And all that is true and dear will forsake and crumble
from dawn to dusk, twilight to twinight.
For even the most obese will feast on your tears tonight.

X-------------------------------------------X

-Tell me oh introspective one; why so quiet?
-I speak very little but I am not quiet.
-I haven't heard you at all lonely traveller.
-You do not hear the tormented cries inside of me?
-The world does not pay heed to the cries of a broken heart.
-I am not quiet old man. It is you that is not willing to hear me.
-No one will hear you. It is too excrutiating a burden for any to bear.
-Indeed. Thus I will continue to be silent and screaming.

I Absolve Thee!

2005-12-29T01:00:00.000-08:00

They embraced the trojan stallion with arms wide open.

X--------------------------------------------------------X

"Father, I have a confession to make."
(hands tighten, sweat pours)
"I killed my wife."
(the choir bursts forth)
"I abused her all this time."
(the child was innocent)
"Cheated on her fidelity."
(forehead glistens)
"Took advantage of her--"
(muscles tear vermillion)
"but she never looked more beautiful
than--"
(a thousand angels die)
"lying dead in her own pool of blood."
(vermillion like the purest)
"Beautiful"
(rose)

X----------------------------------------------------------X

Floating, crucifix as if to sacrifice
your radiant, pristine existence
to the very people you loved
the same who want you dead.

X----------------------------------------------------------X

Slippery, tight and wet.
No that isn't the pussy
of a newly wed wanting
to give her virginity away.

No.

That is your finger on
the trigger - as you point
the heavy, formidable .45
to the temple of your head.

X-----------------------------------------X

The trojan stallion written in retrospect.

Echoes

2005-12-15T02:39:00.000-08:00

I think best when I'm driving; I don't know why.

I wish the average person was a little more (smart?) compassionate.

Our thoughts reveal our bias.

One cannot truly claim to be a man unless one has

(sinned) saved another's life?

Life is conceived by a clot of filthy blood. Perhaps that is why no amount of water can cleanse a sinner's soul?

Our thoughts are easily disseminated. Perhaps that is why we are so easily marginalised?

I wish that fucking Santa Claus didn't get stuck in the chimney. Our friend Satan didn't commit the same idiotic mistake.

The echoes bounce a maddening tune of reality. Why is it that we drive on with high beams as if to say

(what was that again?)

Stupid.

ignite

2005-12-05T23:23:00.000-08:00

Human beings can only equate meaningful sentiment as a direct result of loss and missappropriation.

Happiness exists only because of the knowledge and experience of sadness. That is a given. However, what is perhaps more chilling is that love means nothing to humans if they did not
love
some people
more
than others.

Meh.

2005-11-10T01:52:00.000-08:00

I'm tired.

and fuck blogs. EL oh EL

2005-10-11T02:18:00.000-07:00

A minute of fluctuating plate tectonics
yields destruction of the lives of thousands of people.

May we never truly incur the wrath of God,
or witness the mountains turn to carded wool.
When mother forsakes child and brother kills brother,
where the purest form of order turns to chaos.

Let us all pray for those who are obscured,
as they stand forlorn, lost and teary eyed.
Whilst they touch the workings of God
and have lost themselves amongst the wind.

The Narrowing Margins.

2005-09-21T01:03:00.000-07:00

Madonna; with respect to all her complexities, once quite eloquently sang, "You only see what your eyes want to see." I am unequiovacally convinced into believing that she had no firm grasp of the implications of that one line. She sang it only because it sounded melodic; hypnotic - somewhat in relation to the theme of the song. I do not think for a split second she regarded that one line as pure philosophy at its extreme potency. To be fair, nobody else even gave a flying fuck.

They say God is the TV. They also say that if a mute gets hit by a falling tree, will anyone hear him? A thousand screams will never convert you and I into believing otherwise.

Three men; all of equal intellect and humor sat down to discuss the weather. Mr. A commented about how he could boil an egg quite easily with such horrid humidity. Conversly, Mr. B quite vehemently derided such a thought; indicating that the weather was morbidly bitter and cold. As soon as a virgin bride spreads her legs, Mr. C intervened and said neither was true and that the weather was mild and agreeable. The dilemma here is that which one of these gentlemen was correct and which one of them was out of their fucking minds?

Answer? All of them are correct but, at the same time, all of them are incorrect. To declare a self-evident truth is subjective at best, ignoring objective realities which are beyond their reason or perceptive capabilities. One must attach inherent and adoptive feelings to an external stimuli which is based on a value structure, a bias and cognitive thinking. Attaching those feelings as a form of analysis is a means of discerning events which are otherwise too complex to decipher on their own. It is individualistic in nature, but is inevitably applied to a group that share the same value structure and bias. That feeling is allowed to disseminate into a form of consent among the ranks of society. Rather than a forceful imposition of that belief, consent is a form of structural coersion based on inherent susceptibilities and inclinations that are allowed to flourish by external forces.

This gives birth to bias, subjectivity which refuses intelligent dissent and hinders opposing viewpoints. An individual isn't allowed to expand their horizon within their "allowed" borders of coersion and hence they are doomed by their own inhibitions and intellectual capacities. The system of society does not and will not tolerate thinking by virtue of independent objectivity.

How is this any relevant to what Madonna had sung in her song "Frozen"? Almost like a cold slap on the face, the symbolism here is inescapably clear. We only see what our eyes want to see. We only choose to believe what we want to believe. We only go the path which facilitates our convenience rather than the path of truth, the path of righteousness, the path to peace and the path of opposition. Would a religious fanatic ever agree towards the concept of Abortion? Conversely, would a liberal tree-hugger ever embrace the concept of Exploitation? Both are outside the "accepted" beliefs of consent of their respective orientations and hence, rigoursly and religiously opposed to.

When you watch the TV, you are effectively marginalised into systematic sheeple; utterly engrossed in the medium of information. You are allowed to think within the bounderies of the length of an average advertisement. None of the wealth of information is analysed beyond the approved notion. If a nation is dying in thousands by virtue of the passive apathy towards a certain ideal, one watches a reality show or buries themselves in fictional books to marginalise any dissension. This isn't done by force, but rather ingrained into the mindset of an average person by years and years of exposure by unseen, strong forces of compliance. You are entertained by your favorite show or your favorite sport on the TV precisely because you enjoy it. By the same token, you believe (or don't believe) a concept precisely because you believe it to be true (of false) irregardless of how false (true) it might actually be. Your feelings are attached to it almost instantaneously. If you see something agreeable; chances are that you will repeat that emotion the next time it happens.

Which is where popular culture and societal norms are accepted and adopted. It is subconsciously branded as self-evident and feelings start to develop around that experience. This is why reality shows or sports are far more appealing to the masses then learning the suffering and death that may inadvertanly be a direct result of their inability to think independentally and proactively pursue valuable information. After all, why would anyone want to see a child being burnt alive over a bunch of teenagers grinding on television? Or watch Tiger Woods walk down that last fairway towards victory or President Bush reassuring the consenting nation that there is a credible threat from Iran (much like the credible threat from Iraq prior to the War)?

Has it ever, EVER occured to you that everyone of us is responsible for events which are largely out of our areas of perceptive coersion? How come the people of the past where far more attuned to attach real feelings towards events by imploying thoughts outside the acceptive norms of societal pressures? Why is that we cannot allow ourselves to expand our potential intellect beyond our own biases?

Why are we quiet when thousands die?

The answer? Nothing can be done. Society demands our apathy.

And yes, a blog is generally self-indulgent. I refuse to include "I" into this equation, despite the fact that blogs are well-liked and read when "I" is included. People care about what you can do for them, they don't give a fuck about you. Drop the utopian delusions.

In Search Of Sunrise p2

2005-08-28T09:07:00.000-07:00

In the catacombs of opaque ashes
and the anxious sweat of a bride
The old man held the trembling boy
with static destruction told him -

"Never fear that which is inevitable -
for the real fear rests in its anticipation.
Embrace it, as I am embracing you."

X----------------------------------------X

The singing palm tree hung precariously
bending against the might of the winds
its leaves and roots caving to the iniquity
as it danced a lonely ballet of melancholy
towards the replinished house of certainty.

It would break. The entire congregation would hymn in delight.
For the only real emperor is the Emperor of Ice Cream.

X------------------------------------------X

As he held the .45 in his mouth; angulated towards the heavens,
the man shut his eyes and gathered his last gasp of concentration.
He let out a chilling smile as he focused on the one thing that made
perfect.
sense.
in his.
life.

His childhood.
The rest is ice cream.

God is Asleep.

2005-08-19T10:17:00.000-07:00

Seattle is a fucking wierd place. Take for example a recent excursion to a club with a group of friends.

First song they (David Banner - Play) played went a little like this:

"Play"Cum girl, I'm tryna get your pussy wetWork that, lemme see you drip sweatCum girl, I'm tryna get your pussy wetWork that, lemme see you drip sweatGon play with itGon play with itGon play with itGon play with itGon play with itWork that clitCum girlFinger fuck your pussy like you want some, girlWork it like a nigga straight licking on your pearlI wanna see you cum in the middle of the dance floorA nigga can't fuck, what you think your finger made ...."

By the way the song itself is extremely good, but can you believe the lyrics on this? What is worse was witnessing what was going on at the dancefloor. I'll spare you the details, but let me tell you this:

Do not go to a dance club in the states, especially if you don't drink, pop or want to have public sex. The weather is changing and it isn't pretty.

My head fucking hurts.

Degenerates unite!

2005-08-12T15:58:00.000-07:00

I like liberals. I really do.

Ride along the coaster of Leninism and you may perhaps understand why the Democratic Party is endorsing the right of Beastality.

After all, boning or getting boned by a mule is an exercise of free choice is it not?

Who knows, with the "progression" of Marxist socialism, we might get it so that the institution of marriage will be redefined to allow marriage with animals.

About 60 miles east of the city I call home now (Seattle), they found 100+ hours of footage in the infamous "animal farm" (poor Orwell must have cringed in his grave). Perhaps the most disturbing of this is a dozen notary men and women indulging themselves with sheep - of course trying to tempt them to give them oral is the most egregious . Of course, the crescendo that insues is in itself an art form is it not?

My prediction is that twenty years from now people will justify this the same way they are justifying homosexuality, abortion and stem cells. Sometimes orthodoxy is progression ladies and gentlemen.

I close by saying this:

I like pie. And please leave your pets alone.

Pathways

2005-07-24T23:24:00.000-07:00

Trod forward, along the banks of sandy beaches
trod along the shells of abandoned ebbs.
The salty water holds the tears of a million strong
as they fall gracefully onto your feet as if to say politely

Clean the Mrs. cloth: dirty she is with the gluttons
clean her thoroughly; the wine, the blood, the laughs.
The linen doesn't dry to the reflection of gold upholstery
no matter son, we can use her again and again til she

Wipe those tears, they do not belong amongst the righteous
wipe the abortive mess you made outside the church steps.
The baby had just begun to inquire about your name
and we judged you before you had a chance to

Explain to the masses why you speak so eloquently
Explain to them why they stand transfixed to your words.
Like snakes to the maddening tunes of the snakecharmer
the sheeps of societal progress flock to the sound of the

Deafening. Thousands bleed from the ears in silence-
bleeding to the resonance of induced marginalism.
Sing, dance rejoice in numb, ill-defined acquiesce
The louder you are, the more your lies become the truth.

X-------------------------------------------------------------X

I see you beyond the decaying moss
dangling the loose leaf of hope
You hold forth the twitching roots
a single tear falls to bring life to the shrubs.
The arid soils of attrition begin the feast
to undress the naked soul of life
the canopy bends in harmonic implosion
as I drop the vermillion dagger to the ground.

The Strong amidst the sheep.

2005-07-12T12:05:00.000-07:00

It has come to my attention that a friend of mine is nearing death; just touched the age of 21 and is diagnosed with an unknown illness which is slowly taking its toll on his bodily system.

Even moreso, after this incident he is immensely brave and courageous about it - he has infact accepted his fate. The abrupt transformation in character is phenomenal: from a callous, indifferent individual who saw religion as a means of escapism, his faith in Islam has been rekindled and sees his calling as a means of being closer to God and parting with the "sinful" world. He sees it not as an adversity or something hideously unfair; but an opportunity to inspire change with example.

He now is spending time with those who are less fortunate then you and I; those who are terminally ill and have no outlet of compassion to fall back on.

It is with a heavy heart that I salute you my dear friend; for you have become the best amongst us. I have nothing but adulation and respect for you. But know this, God takes and gives; and those who are called before their time have earned His Love and Mercy.

Hmmmm.

2005-07-11T09:53:00.000-07:00

This is surprisingly accurate.

Cattell's 16 Factor Test Results

Warmth		82%
Intellect		90%
Emotional Stability		70%
Aggressiveness		62%
Liveliness		38%
Dutifulness		66%
Social Assertiveness		50%
Sensitivity		70%
Paranoia		38%
Abstractness		54%
Introversion		74%
Anxiety		34%
Openmindedness		86%
Independence		74%
Perfectionism		46%
Tension		34%

Take Cattell 16 Factor Test (similar to 16pf)
personality tests by similarminds.com

Charge - Discharge.

2005-07-06T23:14:00.000-07:00

I'd never get around as to why anarchist driven, so-called newer generation is attuned to dismiss the Musharraf administration with utmost contempt.

Perhaps that is why this country may never prosper. The uneducated remain oblivious, the middle class are sheeple: (guided by the unseen winds) - lacking the exposure and will to discern, the religious will refuse moderation, and the educated generation is too obsessed with marxism and socialism to ever provide a viable alternative.

Far too much suspicion does not a nation make.

In Search of Sunrise

2005-06-29T21:58:00.000-07:00

Arms outstreched; hope carries the furthest shore.
And as you glide amidst the undertows of morning dew
The dusk seagulls sing to celebrate your completeness.
And the sun rises to tear the twinight moths; as if to bow
to your.
beauty.
I'm only here to pick up the hair that fell from you in your ascent.

X-------------------------------------------------------X

If you look hard enough; that isn't them smiling. They cry.
Won't you kindly join them in their masquerade?

X--------------------------------------------------------X

Hey, I could've done quite a bit, but you looked so happy with him.
No amount of self-indulgence justifies breaking another glass in your house.

Unsung.

2005-06-10T04:04:00.000-07:00

It was reported in a local Iraqi paper, albeit very apathetically, that a young girl succumbed to her wounds in a Kurdish town.

Upon further research, it was realized that this girl made a living by disarming land-mines that were set by American forces during their various campaigns in the area. Apart from a precarious choice of feeding herself, she was after a dream to perhaps some day become a pilot and transcend the blue skies.

She was known as "Satellite"; a popular phrase coined for Kurdish children who disarmed bombs to feed themselves. A landmine which was so kind as keep her alive proved to be the cause of her demise.

Many have opinions and projections on certain issues. This is a blessing. There are those who are not afforded that right due to circumstances and plight. Their only concern is to not sleep with an empty stomach.

Let us all take a moment and say a little prayer for those like her who die unsung. I know, deep inside, they hold a special place in God's dominion of justice and mercy.

Larvae.

2005-06-03T02:33:00.000-07:00

Him: I hope you are doing okay. How are things?
Her: I don't know, its you really. You've changed on us, you're not the same person I knew. You were this carefree, fun-loving person and now...
Him: Whatever do you mean?
Her: Sarem, you think way too much. You should see yourself now. You over-analyse everything and its, don't mind me saying this, but its annoying really. Its like you can't enjoy yourself and no one will enjoy your company.
Him: I see your point.
Her: You're weak too.
Him: erm?
Her: You need to lighten up. I know you've come all this way, but people live for the moment. You can't expect to come all this way and enforce your opinions on others or how wrong they are. They are having a party at that dorm tonight; an all nighter. Go loosen up there and enjoy yourself.
Him: How is your health? You were not feeling well when I left.
Her: Sarem I'm fine. Just fine. I have to go now, friends are waiting.
Him: Okay, take care of yourself and..
Her: I have to go Sarem, sorry. Talk to you later.

Everything you said was true, except the last bit. You didn't have to go, you wanted to go.
I will continue to pray for you, despite knowing that I am no longer in your thoughts.

Superhereos of BMX

2005-06-03T01:40:00.000-07:00

A neglected blog is often very quickly forgotten.

The air forsakes us, much like an aborted child given way of free choice.

I say to you this, and I promise you: live once in the shoes of the desitute in the arid, dissolvent cactus of abandonment and tell me why you continue the obsessive compulsion to complain? You have a headache, they have starvation. You have a half-cooked meal, they have none.
Yet you continue to lament?

We lament that we have no shoes until we meet a man with no feet. Realization is abhorently empty without self-actualization and the desire to rectify and embrace.

We travel the road of convenience - cowardice and dismissive of the thorns that pricked our forefathers. Fighting for the sanctitiy of religion yesteryear; now we quarrel over rights of homosexuals. Is there no shame?

We continue to be the music we hear, the television we watch, the things we eat and the things we own. Assimilation by virtue of progressive pop culture; now the onus is on losing virginity rather than acquisition of social and moral responsibilities.

Intellegent thought is subjugated to defeatism and cynical surrender. Our thoughts belie our nature, but yet conform to collectivism. Packaged to behave in a certain way;

*(disconnected)*

with core issues.

Our opinions are fuelled by misplaced pre-conceptions: unfounded biases used to project our versions of what we believe to be true- yet knowing how horribly false we all are.

Light is everywhere, yet we choose to be enshrouded in darkness.

The air forsakes us, much like an aborted child given way of free choice.

A neglected blog is often very quickly forgotten.

Xpander.

2005-05-04T19:37:00.000-07:00

A dedication to the intermittent rain of Seattle.

The nature of man can only be wholly realized by virtue of comparison. Anything independent is beyond cognitive thought and hence incomprehensible.

Duality is a best kept secret. It is impossible to experience the spectrum of emotion without pain, suffering or melancholy. Had we had no sensation of agony, you would never see a smiling face. Ever.

Numerous times in the past when the winds blew fierce and the day was wet have I had many a weary traveler stop at my door and knock politely. I will tell you a tale of one such traveler who softly rapped on my door one rainy afternoon.

"Kind sir," asked he. "May I stay here for a short while, for the day is dark, and I am weary?"

"Truly the rain is fierce today," said I, and offered him the comfort of my fire, for I did not think it was the rain that troubled this tired traveler but more the solitary nature of his journey.

"Many thanks to you my friend," he said. "Many miles have I walked this day, and with each passing day the path grows more lonely."

I nodded and beckoned him inside. My guess held the truth: it was not the rain that disturbed him so. He shed his soaked cloak and I pulled an extra chair closer to the fire.

Silence held for a time allowing the stranger to warm himself and gather his thoughts. Finally he spoke and I listened respectfully for the lonely pilgrim is often in need of a courteous and respectful ear. He told me of his journey and the grievances it had brought him. Of terrible illness and cancer he spoke, of thieves lusting for money and blood, of mad cities filled with roaring motor vehicles and many cruel and vengeful people but all these he tossed aside because they had not bothered him much. They were a part of the journey: a test of his faith and resolve. His greatest fear, he claimed was the deep loneliness that grew with each league he walked. This solitude was all consuming, tearing at his soul until at times he could bear it no longer, collapsing where he walked and weeping great tears of pain and agony.

"I cannot find an answer to this terrible affliction of mine," he said sadly. "In truth this is the reason I came to your door." Although this remark came to me as slightly peculiar, he looked at me with a soft hope in his eyes. I stared quietly into the fire, dismissing my thoughts, lighting my pipe and thinking carefully. The room became suddenly quiet except for the gentle crackling of the fire and the drumming of rain on the windows. When I did speak it was much to the relief of the traveler for the silence had caused him to become uneasy and he was eager for me to speak my thoughts. He leaned forward in his chair preying upon my every word.

"If you listen carefully stranger," I told him, "you may hear the pounding of the rain upon the earth, and if you pass your gaze over to the sky you will find no sun. She is hidden from us today, for the clouds which bring us much needed rain also bring us darkness." Apprehension and confusion replaced the hope in the traveler’s eyes. He did not understand and was about to speak, but I stilled him and puffed upon my pipe. "There are others elsewhere of course who are happily basking in the radiant sun, and they are at peace on account of the fact that the rains have come and gone. They may now enjoy their sunshine before it is once again hidden from them. There are others too who have received no rain: they have lain long under the shining sun but they do not rejoice for they long for the awesome presence of the rain that the clouds will bring."

I paused to puff slowly on my pipe and allow the stranger to consider my words. Still sensing his confusion I continued. "Loneliness is not unlike the rain. Despite the misery that it may bring it is still necessary to sustain life. It strengthens the land as loneliness strengthens your soul. One cannot live only half a life my friend, and if you did indeed live such a life under a perpetual sun, how could you value it if you had not suffered the rain? Learn to cherish not only the sun, but also the rain that allows you to appreciate it. You cannot, may not banish loneliness, but only endure it until such a time comes where you may cast it off, albeit for a while."

The man at my side suddenly became crestfallen since he had hoped to be rid of the loneliness that plagued him so. "Some days must be dark and dreary my friend," I told him. "Such has life always been, and always will be. Do not fear it."

The stranger leaned back in his chair, his eyes lost in thought. "You have given me much to consider old man," he said and I nodded. "I fear that what you say holds truth and although I wish to doubt it, it has somehow strengthened me." He grew silent and I smoked the rest of my pipe. The fire slowly burned down and after the night had grown old and the rain had abated, I retired to bed. When I awoke in the morning, the stranger was gone.

U2 playing in the rain? Fucktastic.

2005-04-26T01:36:00.000-07:00

I think I paid 200 dollars for general admission.
Lets put this without a tad of exaggeration, I think $500USD would still be a very fair price to pay to see U2 just perform "Where the Streets Have No Name" like they did last night.

I also say this with any humility I have left from the exhilarating experience: fuck hearing them on CD, if you haven't listened to them live - you may never completely guage the true genuis that is U2. I've been to many concerts; I'd doubt any would come a shade close to the surrealistic, orgasmic heights of two hours of magic.

Where the Streets Have no Name (live): Priceless.

Orchids.

2005-04-19T19:56:00.000-07:00

PJ - Black : the only song that abets emotion.

There is something oddly riveting about the concept of the color black. On a visual spectrum; our perception dictates that we equate the color to an absence of light, i.e devoid of any tangible color to stimulate our visual capacities.

Rather, its true nature stems from the fact that it absorbs all colors and hence becomes "Black" - a concept. It is only by virtue of acquisition of true loss to "A"; that we can understand the true value of "A".

Side Note 1: I find it almost satirically ironic that a picture in memory of the Pope is next to a FHM magazine filled with pornographic material. Guides on better sex, logetivity, commonalities in masturbation among females etc. Hell that is okay because this is the socialistic movement of Seattle after all isn't it?

Side Note 2: Children are beautiful.

Side Note 3: U2 in 3 days. Update on that experience soon.

Child.

2005-04-07T04:20:00.000-07:00

Child.

The mist drew curls around her,
Cloaking her in an opaque silhouette.
The trees bended and twisted,
Dancing to the tunes of foreboding.
Three blind men saw in silence,
Catching the cringing, decadent wind.
Did they not see her white purity?

The silver Icarus reran his ascent,
Permeating the grey to an empty moon.
All that was burnt was remade to silk,
The spark still alive, among the nonchalant.
A dozen deaf sirens wailed in distress,
Calm ripples spread outwards like plague.
Did they not hear her afflicted calls?

The cloth hung with latent futility,
Its quintessence drowned in deep waters.
Her reflection defaced the warmest shrub,
Her hood still perched in forgotten submission.
Four muted children flew the magic carpet,
Interlined-twisted tree branches, screaming.
Did they not speak in prayer for her?

She stood in silent, pleading vacillation,
Her innocent child in her quivering hands.
His arms dangled limply from one side,
His hair vibrantly dancing with the brisk wind.
The naked branches bowed in subtle devotion,
To the winds catching the first few flowers.
Did they not feel the morbidity of its sleep?

In a white cloth which raped the darkness,
Innocence again forged a silent, futile battle.
Day in and day out to asphyxiating apathy,
An approving God observes from His perch.

American Beauty.

2005-03-31T04:41:00.000-08:00

Ricky: I was filming this dead bird.
Angela: Why?
Ricky: Because it's beautiful.

On a side note; I miss my family.

A regressive progressive society (p2)

2005-03-28T04:38:00.000-08:00

Perhaps I was a tad unclear before, but just so that I can put this into perspective of what I mean.

I feel there is always some sort of opposite, opposing ideal to every facet in life. Whether it might be the miniscule physical properties of compressed particles; or be it the institution of marriage. This is what I liken to balance. By this logic, one can conclude that as society progresses in both intellect, reason and nature. By the former defintion; our moral values (family or otherwise) and our fundamental principles regress by the same factor.

This phenemenon is what I like to call systematic desentisization. We continue to draw allowances to perspectives which in stagnant situations would have been impossible to fathom.

That is why it is so easy to be caught up in subjective, emotionalism - in which a person confuses logic with religion, destiny with fate, freedom with oppression, right from left, compassion with malice.

Of course this doesn't happen at the individual level. No. There must be some sort of condoning or acceptance in large numbers- whether it be APATHY or IGNORANCE. That alone ignites this domino affect, where individual thought is subjugated into collective thought where it is easier to integrate beliefs (this is where you and I are deemed USELESS).

And here is why collectivism is dangerous. I'm sure all of you are familar with the Ahmedabad riots in India. I want to actually focus my thoughts into a single man - Hindu by faith - a kind and gentle hearted individual who had a wife and three kids. Yet, infused with a collectivism that we call "Mob", he alone brutally raped and killed five Muslim women. Forget the fact that he wrote a powerful repentance piece a few years later when his morality caught up with him, the simple fact of the matter is that societal forces compelled a simple family man to commit vicious actions which in ordinary, "stagnant" circumstances would even be inconceivable.

The society we live is not a violent mob that lasts for days. Owing to its complexity in nature, it is the undertow of our perception of thoughts. It has always relied on the mob-type theology, but this sort of collectivism isn't as drastically obvious as the violent ones. Nor is it as brief. It has lasted for centuries and has relied on the masses to be frightfully ignorant and/or embracers. (Surah Cow anyone?)

Of course this is all symbolic. The man to me represents our collective apathy/indifference/"shrug" to issues which perturb us. We are a vast mob of sheeps who graze on the fields of deceptive optimism, self-imposed acceptance and pre-conceived idealism. There isn't, and there won't be a shepherd (like the ones before us) to lead us out of this carefree abandon.

Til then, we continue to graze.

A regressive progressive society.

2005-03-24T00:49:00.000-08:00

First thing is first, I hate blogging. I enjoy reading other people's blogs, but I don't particularily revel in writing. Whatever small input you do see is largely the intrinsic need for me to observe the appalling outlets of society/man/event or something that compells emotion - sentimental or egregious. That observation is translated into motivation to write. If continiuity were to abhold its definition, then the general tone of this blog will be just that: continuous bullshit.

A young girl, perhaps just shy of six, had her interest piqued at a valentine balloon that lay largely ignored in the corner of the shop (Radioshack in case you are wondering). I couldn't help but noticing how fixated this young girl had become at such a miniscule object; moreso because of how minute it was in scale with the numerous items that adults love to browse around. It wasn't long before she prompted to ask her mother this:

-Mom, is that how real hearts are? (points in the direction of the balloon)
-No sweety they aren't.
Clearly perturbed by this answer she tugs her mom's shirt harder.
-What is it sweety?
-Why are they like that? (referring to the "heart-shaped" balloon)
-Because they are meant to look pretty.

I don't know if it was the nonchalance of the clearly idiotic mom, or perhaps it was the bewildered, confused look of a highly intelligent girl; but I was intensely nonplussed at this. No, not exactly nonplussed - but more accurately, distressed. It brings me to deep compassion and empathy when I see children express thoughts which are so pure, so unadulterated, so simple and so pristine. There wasn't a shred of any sort of bias or inclination. It was a perception without blemish; a child's observation that a heart-shaped balloon wasn't a reflection of reality. The response of her mother; the unequivocal, absolute nature of it, obviously distressed the girl. She was perhaps in pursuit of absolution then the shallow conclusion she had to contend with.

You may wonder why such a trivial, abrupt event compelled me to right all this bullshit. It wasn't the fucking balloon, nor was it the mom. Rather it was the response of the girl to a sudden lose of clarity. Heart - not real? Why - doesn't matter, looks pretty doesn't it? Wait, what about what is factual and what is farcical? The heart pleases the external stimuli, why care?

Two things: we as a collective society have lost our clarity of thought. Second, we have been largely apathetic to grave realities due to a phenemenon I liken to systematic desenstisization.
We embrace ideals which are more appealing to our stimuli without having the courage to embrace the reality of those ideals.

The recent dilemma which is plagueing American thought (of course notice how events on a far broader scale have gone unnoticed) is the Schiavo Case. One school of thought is advocating pro-life, the other is soldiering the "Right-to-Die". Its absolutely shameful to call myself a human being and I'm using this event (mind you there are billions of other isolated events, but since this one dominates the airwaves, I have used this for simplicities sake) to illustrate how corrupted our inner thoughts have become with pre-conceived notions and ideals which can be terminated with compassionate objectivity.

The same side (GOP conservative side) which strongly supports the Death Penalty and the obstructionistic, sovereign Foreign Agenda (in which human life holds no precedent over power under banners of fear of oppression) is suddenly voicing how life is divine and sacred. These are the same lobbiest who condone the horrific military expansionism that kills numbers of innocents.

The other side (so called liberal Democrats) which vehemently voiced out the flaws of judicial and federal courts in aims of curbing the Death Penalty, are strongly supporting the right for Terry to die; citing that the counter-argument is not consistent with the judicial laws that are in place in Florida.

Hypocrisy much?

This of course is a reflection of how human beings perceive issues by in large. They are dissolved into disconnected thoughts and flawed logic. From the calamity of the Iraqi War, to the forgotten plights of the victims of the Tsunami; from the hunger afflicted by an innocent child in the middle of Africa, to the food you and I waste every night because we throw a "hissy fit".

Which brings me to my second and final point: who gives a fuck? I mean, lets for argument's sake assume that whatever is happening in the world has a remote effect on a clear-minded invididual. What is the outcome? After a few troubled nights, the apathy of progressive society dictates that we are to forget about it and move on.

Based on simple laws of Physics; every action must have an equal and opposite action. The progression of society demands a regression in fundamentals of man into a bewilderend, unintelligle flock of sheep.

What makes us so impotent? Is it lack of passion, lack of leadership, a shortened attention span?

Why do fucking Indian movies have more of an affect on people then real life adversities?

A change in the horizon?

2005-03-18T18:29:00.000-08:00

I normally don't find a liking to Indian films. Truth be told, the last film I took a liking to was "Agnipath" and that was in the 80s. However, SWADES is a film that really impressed me; moreso because it wasn't exaggerated like most indian movies tend to be. What was also very refreshing was the fact that it had a compelling message, addressed the caste system head-on, and had one of the most natural acting I've seen for a long time.

And yes, it did help that one of the most gorgeous females I've seen played the lead role. Mind you, I seem to overdiscriminate most of the time, but in this case this has to be said. Gayatri Joshi represents true beauty the way I see it; simplistic and tradionationally oriented. Its a shame progressive societies denegrate ideals which have been adopted for centuries.

If you are the conversative right wing talk show host; you'd blame it on liberals.

Ripples

2005-03-14T18:46:00.000-08:00

Just like a stone immersing in water; creating a perfect synergy of ripples; the avenues of possibilites spread out with blogs. I liken it to mindless self indulgence; yet just as the water becomes submissive to the collision of a small rock, one cannot help but surrender themselves to the forces and allow creativity and individuality to resonate.

I would extend a request for anyone who stumbles upon this to link up whatever they can so I can follow suit (provided someone teaches me).

First Post

2005-03-12T22:47:00.000-08:00

Checking.